Seek Him First

You know… I have been realizing lately just how obsessed I am with the things of this world. I die over everything. I obsess over every new POP!, Tsum Tsum, movie trailer, etc.

And I also have been realizing that I’ve become selfish, though I hate to admit it. I’m always wanting or “needing” more and needing it now before my brain explodes and I crumble into hopelessness of never being able to buy what I want.

Last night I had a talk with my mom that I was “frustrated with my faith.” Though that was a bad word choice, so I quickly corrected to – “I’m frustrated with myself.”

For so long now I’ve found myself going up and down, up and down with my relationship with God. I’ll be going on the right track for a while and then – BAM! “AAAAH THAT TRAILER WAS SO AMAZING OH MY GOSH!!!” Or “Oh. My. Gosh. I need those POP!s. WHEN DO THEY COME OUT?!”
The things of this world can draw me away from God within the blink of an eye. My life that was striving towards being consumed by God instantly reverts into a life consumed of worldly things that in the end will only pass away and will never satisfy.

After having a long talk with my mom last night about all of this, I went into bed and read a devotion. I was completely blown away by how relevant it was to me at that time.

This morning I read another devotion and a chapter of Luke and again was blown away by the relevance to my situation.

God is speaking to me. He’s helping me to realize just how far I’ve strayed. Just how much I have put the things of this world before Him. How I’ve worshiped and idolized them and have only fallen deeper into the obsessions.

I do see and know that I’ve been doing wrong. And I really, really want to fix this. I know I can’t do it alone, though – God has to help me through this. He provides the strength I need to turn away and once I turn, I know I will be ever so much more satisfied and joyful.

Worldly things do make me happy, yes. But for how long? A little bit? And then immediately after I need something more? I may think that I am satisfied, but really, I’m not. I’m always wanting more.

I’m going to share with you now a few excerpts from my devotional book and a few verses that stood out to me:

“God wants his people to live in the light. He wants the light to keep burning continually. There was a time when we lived in darkness, but when we met Jesus the lights were turned on and everything that was hidden was seen. As a God Girl you can’t let yourself go back into darkness….. Sin hides in the dark, but when we shine the light on our lives, it can no longer hide.”

“No more ‘lights out’ moments where you do what you would never do if the lights were on. Encourage the light by praying, studying, and looking for opportunities to bring your own sins into the light.”

“Now a certain young ruler asked Him, saying, “Good Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?”…..So when Jesus heard these things, He said to him, “You still lack one thing. Sell all that you have and distribute to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”
And when Jesus saw that he became very sorrowful, He said, “How hard it is for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God! For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.” Luke 18:18,22,24-25

Honestly, I feel a bit like the rich young ruler. He was sorrowful that Jesus was asking him to give up his riches because he was very rich. That’s a bit how I feel knowing that in order to fix my problem, I’m going to have to give something up that I love. But I know that in the end, it will be worth it.

When something you own becomes the most important thing in your life, it teeters on idolatry. An idol is anything that you obsess about, that you need, that you can’t live without. The only thing that you truly can’t live without, other than food and water, is the presence of God in your life. And when things overshadow that need or even try to fill it, danger is in the air.”

That section right there. It’s really speaking to me. I obsess, I “need” things, I can’t live without things. That just shows me how messed up I am.

And girls, I want to take a moment to apologize. Over the years I know I have encouraged a lot of you to fangirl, to obsess. I’ve brought a lot of you into fandoms that I know are hard to let go of. Honestly, I regret that so much. I’ve influenced you in a wrong way – in a worldly way – when I should have been shining the light of God to all of you. Instead, I think I may have steered some of you away from Him. And I’m so sorry for that.

Now, it is okay to like things. I’m not saying you can’t like anything. What’s wrong is the obsession. The need. That’s when we idolize things and that is wrong. When God said, “You shall not have any other gods before Me.”, He wasn’t only speaking about the other religious gods people have created – He’s also talking about the gods that we create in our everyday lives. We idolize so much and we don’t even realize it. God – our one, true, Lord and Savior – is the only God that we should be worshiping.

From now on I am striving to change. I want to let go of things and be the person that God wants me to be. I want to get on track with God and have Him be the center of my life instead of allowing the things of this world to rule over my life.

“You are my treasure and my reward. Let nothing ever come before.”
Lauren Daigle

~Jaclynn~

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